You made me fall in love, you left me broken hearted, and then you made me love you all over again. What now?

You made me fall in love. May 3rd, 2010 is a day i remember clearly, it's the day my life was saved. You saved me from my blindness, i thought you were wierd in sixth grade, but in sixth grade i was a diffrent person. i didnt know who my Romeo was and i didnt know that romeo existed, let alone was right in front of me. Phyllis gave me your number and it was about to turn into something that would affect us for the rest of our lives, we just thought it was going to just be a normal conversation but boy were we wrong! We talked constantly and the more we knew about eachother the more we were starting to fall in love. one problem, you had a girlfriend. when we both fell head over heels in love you dumped her. it really worried me because you dumped her for someone better, in the back of my mind i am afraid that you will find someone will all the bells and whistles and ill be left standing in the rain. Once we were talking about how we cant ever see eachother because of the distance and because of my parents, and i said: "ehhh its just like Romeo and Juliet" and you made my day by saying: "Yeah, except Romeo and Juliet can't text..." and the nicknames have stuck ever since. we had a communication issue because you got grounded so you didnt text me for weeks, i almost died.

You Left Me Heartbroken. July 3rd, 2010. The day i died. you called me at 3:14am saying that you would be grounded for a long time and you know that this isn't going to work out. you said if there's someone that likes you, go for it. i couldnt go for it. i tried to date some people but that just made me realize that all i needed was you. i was left heartbroken and i didnt talk to anyone, i didnt think i could ever love anyone ever again. and i was right. you're the only person i have ever truely loved and could ever love. i was a disaster.

And Then You Made Me Love You All Over Again. then one night at 2am, you texted me using Casey's phone saying that you didn't love me and i needed to get over you. all i could do was let you know that i love you forever and always and i will never get over you. I left you with one question; "Will Romeo and Juliet ever come back to life?" you said: "maybe." Thats all i needed. the next morning we realized that we couldnt breathe without eachother so we revived our relationship. I easily remembered why i fell in love with you and i fell hard under your spell. My friends told me what i was doing was wrong and immature and you're just a middle school crush, i just laughed at them and didn't give a damn what they thought. I was just so glad that we were together once again.

What now? That's an easy question, but took alot of contemplating and thinking.

NOW, I LOVE YOU AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS.

immortal to pain

i lay in bed with my eyes wide open, almost as if they had been blinded by the bright California sun.  my window is open which is very odd considering the fact that i don't recall opening any windows before i went to bed that night.  a cool breeze brushes my cheek which would be normal but it didn't come from the direction of the window, it came from the wall.  a thick piece of plaster giving off wind? i don't think so.  i get up to investigate, what a mistake that was.  i climb out of bed and put on my bathrobe.  i can feel the floorboards creak underneath my toes and my hair flutters from the unusual breeze from the wall.  i grab a flashlight from my closet and i spot a piece of string at my door.  i go to pick it up and down the hall i see a full blown homicide trap with fish hooks, claws, and knives.  i let out a huge gasp and rub my eyes to see if I'm dreaming, nope this is pure reality.  i turn around to go back to bed but it seems to be growing like a germ inside of an infants weak body.i realize that there's nowhere else to go but i know that my life is now going to be very limited or non existent.  i decide to plunge toward the window to escape and i almost make it but a dark grey creature with bold bright yellow eyes and wet fur.  i barely murmur "hi." and the creature pushes me into hell city and i fall on top of the spikes and they squeeze into the marrow of my bones and I'm surrounded by a pool of blood.  i cry and my tears aren't your typical tears, I'm crying a river of hemoglobin and I'm freaking out.  i get up only to trip onto fish hooks and they are now sinking into my spine and they hook onto the floorboards so i cant get up, I'm a fighter though so i try to force my body to uproot from the floor and a layer of skin comes off.  i scream but no sound is released from my blood stained lips and the creature throws me down the hallway and i land in a sea of poisonous snakes who bite my toes and sink their venom into my brain.  i look at my reflection in the mirror and my once jet black hair s now icy blond and my eyes aren't blue anymore, they are bold bright and yellow.  i am now the creature i feared a few seconds ago.  there is no escape, no loophole, no way out of this.  i am immortal

Renewal, what is it?

Renewal.  Its something everyone has to do at some point in their life.  maybe a good time would be getting a new job, suffering a bad breakup, or getting rid of old people in our lives.  whatever it is, it made you stop and think for a minute, commonly known as an epiphany.  it makes you look at life from a different perspective and makes you want to change.  change, what is that? well it depends on your particular situation, whatever it is you set a goal. whether that be exercising your way to a size 6, eating healthier, being happier, or accepting that you cant be perfect at everything.  I'm at a point where i need to have some major renewing in order to be happy again.  my friends have helped me, some have showed me that i should kick them out of my life for good, and others have encouraged me to do my best, which showed me that they are going to be in my life a whole lot longer.  I was starting to be okay with having an average job as a Spanish teacher, which would give up on the whole lawyer dream.  my friend, Jessalynne stepped in and said: hey! this isn't the Caitlin i know, anything is possible.  your in charge of your own destiny, you have the power to decide whether or not you want to make a difference in the world or if you just want to be the bum on the side of the road.  she convinced me that i have alot of potential to make a difference in the world, and in the economy.  so I'm going to get all A's in hopes of getting accepted to Harvard law.  its in your hands now, will you be successful in the world or will you constantly be a failure?

Change Doesn't Happen (not in your world anyway)

Change.  It's not something that happens in a blink of an eye, doesn't travel at the speed of light, and nothing you can say will make it differ.  you say that your a changing man, plans are easier explained than done.  that's all it is, a plan.  its like when your in high school and you start a band with your friends but the farthest it ever gets is open mic night at a smoothie shack.  why did i change you might ask.  i didn't change, just sick and tired of you promising me to do all these amazing things and we'll ride in a carriage as the sun sets over the horizon.  i have a boyfriend, so why even try? even if i was unattached, your fantasy wouldn't become a reality.  its time for me to start living and as long as your around i might as well be a cadaver.  no offense, i mean i just love how you call me stupid, worthless, and a few other words that i don't need to mention.  you had your chance once before then you went and messed it up because i wasn't up to your standards as far as age goes.  one year, one grade, a thousand hearts broken by the infamous m.w.  Did i ever thank you for totally messing up my heart, brain, and life?  remind me next time, oh wait, there isn't going to be a next time.  I'm brushing off my knees and getting up off the ground that you kindly pushed me onto.  I don't think it takes that much effort to just leave me alone and stop calling me, but I'm lying.  I kind of like it when you text me and say "hey".  I need to teach myself to vomit at the thought of receiving a text message from thee.  you told me to move on and i did then you get mad when i don't exactly want you when you change your poor excuse for a mind.  Don't treat me the same as those girls, don't treat me any different either.  When you see me you act as if I'm just some girl waiting for my pizza in the lunch line, well your wrong.  I don't like pizza.



remember, change doesn't happen.  (not in your world anyway)

A Brighter Manana

my name is Maria
I am a pessimist,
or so they tell me
why?
might you ask
well that's a good question
i wonder when i will find
out the truth behind all the lies
of the past, present, and future

The past.
looking through my past
isn't so easy you see
Ive been scarred by life
and life itself has been scarred by me
I try so hard every waking moment
of each individual day
to not let all the evils from these past days
to diminish my soul
i am a failure

The present.
"don't think about things so much,
enjoy the little things in life"
is what the wise one once told me
much easier said than done
we have so many "great" things in life
war. evil. the devil.
the devil is just a state of mind
if you worry about him,
he will be in your presence for days

The future.
hopefully its brighter than i expect
i will stay up a thousand nights if it means
manana is bright like a ray of sunshine
manana isn't looking up
for this chicka

i pray to God that life is more than it seems
after all,
don't judge a book by its cover
all we can do is hope for
A Brighter Manana

New Blog

I have a new blog!!! It's called The Great Ink Challenge where i write something that im doubting on my hand, take a picture, post it every day until I am fully satisfied and have no doubts.

NOOOOOO! (computers stink!)

Oh my gosh.  okay so my computer decided to lose wifi or whatever so my dad had to reset it and it deleted ALL of my documents!!!!  I had like 23 originals that weren't copied anywhere else!!!!!!!!!!!!  this is exactly why Steve jobs and bill gates should get together and make sure this doesn't happen anymore!!!!! ugh....i kill interwebz!


PS computers stink:(


Peace and Bullets;
                  Caitlin

Love Is Like A Bullet Proof Vest

Love. Every one has experienced it and now we all think the same thing. Love is like a bullet proof vest. You feel safe and secure when it’s there, and no matter how many layers of clothes you have on, it will always be there. Many boys have bulleted my vest but now my bullet proof vest is scarred and shabby. My Romeo came to my rescue and stitched all of the bullet marks. If your Romeo ever undoes those stitches; us girls just can’t take it anymore as our vests fall to the ground and vanish. At least that’s what we originally think. When in reality, it just becomes translucent and our vests become thicker so we don’t let anyone hurt us but we also don’t let anyone love us either. Guys say that girls are the most complex species to ever roam this earth, but really boys are the most confused species to roam this earth. Let me break it down for you; we like being called beautiful, when we say we are hurt most likely were not we just want you to care for us, if we call you sweetie we would love you to call us sweetie, and we hate the smell of axe. Don’t apply this to every girl like you boys tend to do, this is just from personal experiences. Lots of people say that teenagers are too young to know how to spell love, however you are wrong. L-O-V-E. I am thirteen years of age and yet I spelled it perfectly without stuttering. You mind and body progress as you age, your heart never changes a bit. So think next time before you tell someone madly in love that theyre wrong, it doesn’t help them it just makes them want to prove you wrong, and eventually they do. Its called marriage. So guys to sum it up for you; love is like a bullet proof vest, just so many bullets until your vest bursts open and you come undone.

Niagara Falls

The falls come crashing down
On all the curious faces
You see not one frown
Mist spraying on my family
Ma is shielding her perfectly pampered hair
Michael and I take off our hoods
Letting water drench our faces; pale as white paste

Pa takes out his personal camera
Handing its delicacy over to a stranger
Risking danger
SNAP!
The man takes our picture
As he flashes us a genuine smile
We all laugh
And frown in our souls
At the thought of the ride being done
Holding in our hearts forever
Our trip to...
Niagara Falls

Teen Ink Published Me

Yay!!!  My short story One Letter, One City, A Thousand Miles was posted on an online literary journal website!  This makes me realize that I am just that closer to getting published!

Big Time Heartbreak

Your such a player
You say you love me
Then you go and complain
About how i suck
Well honey
No ones telling you to stay
And wait for something
Worth while to happen

You said that you love her
But soon enough she's going to know
Your lying and trying ways
Of being just plain rude
You loan out your love
To anyone who comes around
So don't cry when you get hurt
Because no one will be there
To give you a band-aid
Your not a little kid anymore
So it's time to really grow up

So when you see me at school
Don't act like I'm just a regular girl in the lunch line
Don't pretend that me knowing your name
Is a gift
Believe me, its a punishment
p.s. i don't want to hug you

Writing "Sincerely"

"Sincerely" is a book that my manager (Phyllis Knickles) and I are writing together.  It's where we write a letter to our boyfriends every day until our journals are completely filled with our feelings, emotions, and our love for our boyfriends.  This is a new project we have just started so please be patient with us!  We are on the look out for a publisher, so please if you know of any contact us!  Thank you so much for all of your support!


                                            Peace and Bullets;
                                                                Caitlin

Insecure

You always call me stupid
However that's not the case
You may be as stubborn as a donkey,
And look like one too
But who's the one writing this poem
for honors language arts?


You can dish it but can't take it
I'm sorry that you're insecure
Get a hobby!
Being rude isn't satisfying
It just gets lame and boring
Nobody likes it when
You go and talk
'Bout how stupid your friends are


Try being better at having a good time
Maybe even try smiling while not crushing those below you
I'd like to see that action go down
Promise me a front row seat with complimentary popcorn please.
P.s. Don't be insecure


So please stop
I really wish you'd raise your self esteem
All your friends
Are starting to see the light
And I'm not talking about the light of your ego
By the way,
Insecurity is about as flattering as your hair
*Blech!*


I feel bad that you need to
Put others down just so you can live with yourself
But if I were you,
I wouldn't exactly love myself either
Have a nice life
Stop being insecure!
If not,
people are gonna come around to their senses
and say three little words;
ASTA
LA
VISTA

Everything Will Be Okay

I'm two years old
your smiling putting pink bows in my hair
you tell I'm part of the family now
I'm smiling sucking on a peppermint
the beaming judge gave us


I'm five years old
your smiling handing me my breakfast
you tell me school ain't so bad
I'm smiling acting as a dike to hold back the waters
about to be released on my cheeks


I'm eight years old
wondering how they could be so mean
your smiling giving me your love
you tell me everything will be okay
I'm hesitating but somehow you convince me
it will blow over
I forgot all them names they called me
but i know I'm laughing by dawn


I'm ten years old
leaving all my friends for a new town
you smile and loan me a million hugs
its a new school and I'm scared no one will like me
you give me that extra boost i need to survive
I'm smiling holding my planner with my head held high


now I'm thirteen years old
and i got a boyfriend
you worry about losing me
but its a part of growing up
and something you don't know is
i think were gonna last
I'm smiling at you holding back the tears
feeling your pain
now i say to you
everything will be okay

Demon at Dawson Park

I saw her. The one who took my life away.  I saw her dark circles under her eyes, the way her jet black hair makes a pin look crooked, the way her cherry red lips sucked the soul out of me.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Today is June 3rd, 1947.  My name is Anna Martz, I am 14 years old and my best friend is Leah Smith.  We are joined at the hip, we never fight and we are never seen apart from one another.  Leah thought it would be fun to go to Dawson Park which is supposedly haunted, we think otherwise.  Or at least that is what we thought at the time.  There's a glow off the pavement from the splatters of rain crashing down onto the street.  I invite Leah to go on the swing set with me.  We are having a great time laughing and giggling about things we will surely forget five minutes later.  We roll down the grassy hill side not caring about our nice church clothes getting destroyed, Mama hates it when I ruin my church clothes.  I hear a whisper coming from the trees saying; "Go. You better turn back now...before it's too late."  I thought it was just one of the mean boys teasing us, boy was I wrong.  All of a sudden, Leah lets out a short hysterical yelp.  I turn around to see a figure holding Leah.  The figure is definitely from the other side, and is definitely a girl.  She has big dark purple circles under her eyes.  I am in total awe at her appearance, the way her jet black hair makes a pin look crooked, the way her lips make the pigment of a cherry suddenly seem dull.  She pounces on Leah lip syncing some words in a foreign launguage.  Now as I stare back at Leah, she is suddenly not the same.  She now has honey blonde hair and her lips are sparkling like glitter in the sunlight.  The "demon" stares me down, it seems she's not giving up until I blink.  I finally gave in and blinked.  That was when I had all the life in me sucked out and possesed by a demon.  Leah and I now join the demon, whose name is Ellie.  Except for the part of sucking our souls out of our bodies, she seems extremely nice, especially for a demon.  Leah and I are living in fear and worry every moment of every day.  We fear that Ellie won't turn out to be as nice and might turn us into dust, we worry that our families and loved ones are frantically searching for us.  They are probably spending every penny in their pockets looking for clues as to where we might have gone.  The thing that scares me the most though is if they even get a lead as to what happened, we will have to defeat their souls.  I will never forget that day at Dawson Park.

One Letter, One City, A Thousand Miles

A few months ago, if you would have asked me what was important to me i would have told you; writing, Jessalynne, Ashley, Shannon, and texting.  I now have gratefully added something inspirational to the list.  You.  You are my everything.  I would go through any battle or forks in the road to hunt you down.  You go to MWMS, I go to MVMS.  We are just one letter away from being together forever.  How could one letter, one city, feel like a thousand miles?  Surprisingly, I am dumbfounded.  Last year you thought I hated you.  I was a wild child, I hated everyone and everything but secretly I didn't hate you.  I was clueless, the fact that you admired me totally flew over my head but now its hitting me hard right in the heart.  I feel like we have just fought World War III and solved world hunger.  One letter, One City, A Thousand Miles away from my Romeo.
                                                            -Juliet.

I Reflect On Phinney Bay

I'm running along the shoreline
Feeling sand between my toes
I look up and see the sun setting
And on this foggy day
I reflect on Phinney Bay


I look at all of the crabs
Gently nestled under rocks
Daring enough to pick one up
And feel it crawl on my fingers
ANd on this windy day
I reflect on Phinney Bay


I perch on a rock seeing a seal
In the glittering water
Casually calling it over I realize
What a fail that was
And on this sunny day
I reflect on Phinney Bay


The sun is setting
Making the water sparkle
Twinkling like Edward Cullen
the vampire heart throb
And on this shining day
I reflect on Phinney Bay


                                      

Project: Writing From The Soul

I am a huge fan of youtube! I have been watching videos for a long time now and I realized that everyone has something that they are good at whether it be; acting, singing, writing, comedy, art, film, music, whatever. This caused me to contemplate my abilities and what I am good at. Then it hit me. I am a phenomenal writer. I have always just poured my feelings on paper and I just so happen to be good at it. So interwebz, I am officially starting Project: Writing From The Soul where I post poems or short stories that are explaining my heart and soul and what I am feeling. P.S. Subscribe or follow....I don't know how this works but I'll get better I pinky promise! (insert pinky here) haha!

Peace and Bullets;

Caitlin